Europe is crowded. German cities are small and not meant for large amounts of traffic, whether people or automobiles. The automobiles themselves are also small, but still seem to be way too big for the ancient street layouts. What’s particularly annoying about Wiesbaden is there isn’t nearly enough space to park all these cars for both commuters and residents. Circling around the block when one lives in a city is to be expected, but we’re talking upwards of 30 minutes waiting for a spot sometimes.
Anyway, beyond just the traffic congestion is how close everyone is to each other. Physically. It doesn’t seem to faze anyone if elbows are thrown on tightly packed sidewalks or shopping bags get tangled. Walking the sidewalks themselves is just ridiculous, there is no concept of “walk right pass left” even though that is a well-respected law on the autobahn. Sidewalks are complete chaos with people walking on both sides at whichever speed they choose, stopping in the middle, walking 5 across. This sounds unbelievably petty, I know, but I wouldn’t be writing about it if it wasn’t worth pointing out. And this observation comes from someone who is from a much larger city than Wiesbaden.
You would think after 3 years I would be used to this, but I’m not, and I have no idea how long it would take me to get over it. I don’t think my personal space bubble has shrunk at all, but at least my tolerance has risen a bit. I no longer enrage immediately when bumped or someone is walking thisclosetomybody. However, I do hate being cut in line while waiting for the bus or even sometimes waiting at a food stall at a fest or the grocery store line to the point that I need to mutter a mantra “this is not a big deal, my day is not ruined” until the blood pressure lowers.
Waiting in line is important. Waiting in line is what makes humanity great because we have a sense of order and fairness. When the line is broken, I cannot stress to you how unbelievably annoyed I will get, because the line is a hallmark of a civilized society, and now it’s just been thrown to the ground and trampled all over. And Germany does not wait in lines. They may pretend to, if someone cuts to the front you might hear a “uh Allo?” tone from the back, but in reality no one is going to do/say anything useful about this. And unless you are physically running along side the bus and forcing the doors open to be the first one inside, you are not getting that seat you spotted from outside. I have finally figured out where the busses stop at the actual stops and started waiting at that end point. Doesn’t matter. I could have been there for 5 or 10 minutes and someone will walk right up in front of me before the doors open and walk on in. It’s enough to make me want to pick a fight and throw down my bags all for the right of walking on and standing with everyone else, because of course the seats have been taken already.
But it's a city, it's bound to be crowded.
Yeah sure ok I know, but what about inside too? Those store aisles are like sidewalks and no one cares about staying to the right. Why?! It’s such a useful habit! People can get places and not inconvenience others if they’re out for a Spaziergang while the person 5 people back is in a rush to get to the bus so they too can not form a line and force themselves on through the tiny door, 3 people across.
Festivals – you can forget having any room to drink your Glühwein or eat your Wurst without being bumped a ton of times, even if you’re on the outskirts and there’s nothing interesting around, someone is going to walk straight into you, and probably not say “Entschuldigung.” My white winter coat gets washed a bunch from November to January simply because of Glühwein spills. Also, those of you taking baby strollers to fests, why do you hate the rest of us? I definitely understand how convenient they are, in the park when it’s empty, but really, at a fest? Can’t you just please strap baby to your chest/back/wherever the hip place to strap a baby to your body is?
I’m not saying any of this is enough to make me pack up Z and TheCats (great band name) and hightail it back to DC, it’s just enough of an annoyance to make me silently judge everyone around me and wonder if anyone learned how to color inside the lines at school.
Where else is the personal bubble popped?
My colleagues and I have a great, favorite story about this. I had been working for about a month, when I had a question about something on my screen. Someone came over to look for me and stood directly behind me and leaned over my shoulder to look. This was enough to cause me to start to sweat and panic a bit. A bit later, I had another question and this person came over and sat next to me and our chairs touched, meaning our legs also touched. This was just, I can’t even. I remember the sound of the blood pounding in my ears. It didn’t help that this coworker was a man and the idea of men and women touching so casually at the office broke every prudish and HR threat-inspired value I had developed since starting my career.
It didn’t stop there though. He then reached across me to use my mouse to show me something else.
I have no idea what he was showing me because at this point I had to push my chair away and stand up for some space. Luckily, no one noticed my deep breathing and anxious hand wringing. And when I recounted this to someone, months later, everyone agreed they had no idea this was something to even consider being uncomfortable about. I do notice everyone at work sits much closer than I would ever be comfortable with. I’ve observed hugs, many handshakes, general overall closeness I just can’t do. Maybe I’m missing out on some of the social connection by being somewhat aloof in this regard, but no one seems to mind and it’s a topic a few of us discussed at length to make sure no one’s feelings were hurt if I didn’t return a hug warmly and enthusiastically, or if I never initiated one in the first place. But of course, get a few beers or cocktails in me and I’m everyone’s huggy friend immediately.
But in the end
It’s just another one of those things to push me out of my comfort zone. I’m happy to be surrounded by people with different habits than what I’m used to. Another learning experience to grow the soul and expand the mind. Maybe that’s a little toooo philosophical for just being bumped while waiting for the bus, but it’s part of my wish to practice a little gratitude everyday. I will one day sit comfortably in agency-wide meetings crammed onto little hipster poofs with everyone else, not only upper thighs touching but the entire sides of our bodies too!
I’m also aware this could fully be a quirk of mine, that perhaps my touching bubble is much, much tighter than other Americans, but I don’t think I’m off too much.
And as for my joy of waiting in lines? I love my trips to England for exactly that reason.
2 Responses
I so feel you on the need for queuing and personal space! I should have written about my dislike for this disorder back when I was in Uzbekistan…
It would be really interesting to read a comparison of the two countries, now that you’re in I would assume, a culturally closer place to home. Reflection posts are always fun for readers and I personally would love to read a comparison.