I say “This Quarantine” like “just to differentiate, I mean the Spring 2020 Quarantine, not the other one.” Can you imagine if we start having to label quarantine events. Luckily that’s not going to happen once we’re out of this one. Probably not. Who the hell even knows anymore. I think I’ve showered this week?
Around two weeks ago I had to turn off the news. Could not do it anymore. Normally when I’m home and in a room with a Google Assistant (read: most of the rooms) I have the news going to keep me company while I’m doing whatever. Just as habit really, “Hey Google, play the news” (Sure, playing “completely different thing than what I asked for, just to show me who’s in charge”). The news from the states has been frustrating, tense, mindboggling, depressing, other emotions for a few years. World news, sometimes better and oftentimes not. I always believed though it was my duty, maybe a civic or responsibility, to be well informed and keep up to date about what’s happening in the world. Without watching the news, I risk the isolation of becoming absorbed in my own little island, unaware of what is going on around me including what could come to affect me later.
However. Not knowing down to the latest red highlighted, “breaking,” unnecessary alert-notification on my phone, “we’re coming to you live with the latest” is probably ok. In fact, it’s probably for the best. In more facts, it’s definitely in my personal interest.
With all this empty air time to fill, I thought “Let’s have silence then. Here is all this time I have been #blessed with for deep, personal introspection. Now I will use this time to reflect and understand myself on a deeper and more intimate level than I have ever known.”
6 minutes into this blessed silence, left alone with my thoughts, I came to the conclusion of “well fuck this noise, my thoughts suck and I have a lot of embarrassing moments from the past I just do not need surfacing anymore” and searched out something, anything, to blot out every slip of the tongue or ill-timed joke I’ve ever made.
I’ve decided to fill the time with audiobooks, more podcasts, Acoustic Spa Essentials playlist from Google, and learning more about the songs of Mallie’s people. I’ll get around to sharing more of those later, but I made a preliminary list here. After work hours, I take the time to write down new goals for the hours and day ahead. It’s my nice new routine and ritual. Here is some of what I’ve come up with.
Here are quarantine goals:
1. As many bra-less days as possible.
This is number one because, why would it not be.
2. Wash my hair.
Not like, every day. Just on occasion. I’m probably never going to be a no-poo movement member, but I’m starting to get headaches from “just woke up like this” buns.
3. Wear an outfit.
Days 1-15 of homeoffice were, no joke, dressed office ready, matching tops and bottoms, makeup on and other than shoes, ready to walk out the door. Day 16 of homeoffice was a hard left turn into “I’ll rub a wet cotton round over my face and there we are, ready to go.” That Friday, the t-shirt I put on for the day, was the same t-shirt I wore for my hike the next day, up until my shower, the next day.
4. Learn a new skill.
I have signed up for I’m not even sure anymore how many classes and webinars. I’m really enjoying this. A few years ago I had thought I need to go to grad school, everyone I know is gone / has gone to grad school, why am I not in grad school. Then I realized it was because I am so over “learning;” no more assignments which may or may not be grade subjectively, no more ruining books because we have to point out that the blue curtains in the living room mean the characters are sad. Since I’m several years out of college now, and have no one to impress other than myself, I’ve been learning curious again and am even interested in possibly maybe pursuing another degree. Maybe. I’m currently absorbing everything I can in digital marketing. I also have on my list some self-awareness/improvement/esteem workshops (see points 1-3 above), photography and post processing, history and language courses.
5. Embrace discomfort.
I’ve talked about endometriosis and how it’s sometimes front and center in my life before, and I am no stranger to discomfort and pain. But coming to terms with the facts about living in a pandemic, that we all will statically lose loved ones and friends, that there is no money in the stock market, that some industries and jobs have seemed to disappear in to vapor, that’s a new discomfort on its own. Having written that sentence, I regret it; there are enough people who have written similar that there’s no reason for me to write it again. I’m leaving it though, because it’s part of my discomfort and I can only move past and grow from those ideas and beliefs which cause me stress, if I look them straight on and decide how I will judge this. And in this case, I am choosing to accept there are many, many, elements and factors out of my control in this current world. And, more to the point, there always were, and this is a magnification of that very natural state of being. Therefore, my judgement is this: I can’t control a lot of what is happening; I can make my impacts by staying home, making donations when and where I can, I can continue to do my best at maintaining my internal peace and being a positive influence on those I connect with, and I can continue to learn how I react to stress and discomfort. Learning how I react is important, because then I can decide if my reactions are in line with my values.
6. Shave.
I don’t know, sure, why the fuck not, shave the legs sometimes.
7. Write more. Not necessarily living-in-Germany-focused.
Welp, here we are, writing pretty much a stream of consciousness. I don’t even know how this sentence is going to end.
8. Finish a bunch of books.
I don’t have a number in mind, or even a list because I keep adding or moving around or forgetting what I want to read. I’m digging into old lists I had, giving into buying some NY top reads lists, and doing a combination of reading on Kindle and listening to audiobooks. I started a real, paper and ink book three weeks ago, had a lovely Sunday morning reading it and it now has some dust on my nightstand. I feel pretty strongly though that given a few more weeks, I’m going to rediscover real books from my shelf, some I haven’t even finished, and enjoy getting lost in turning pages again. I have to say though, I am really loving audiobooks. I honestly never thought I would because I have a hard time concentrating on audio only sources. I definitely don’t listen to them during work hours because I would half-ass both my work projects and my books. Taking an hour each weekend though, especially in the mornings, to listen has become really nice. I don’t even look at my phone (for most of the time) while I listen. And, like I said above, I’ll share more as I go.
I’ll stop at 8 for now. I have no doubts I’ll have more thoughts soon, but stopping at 8 annoys me so much, I’ve decided that’s going to be an exercise in sitting with discomfort all on its own. Anyone else have any quarantine thoughts or goals? Let me know!
